Little ones

After I said goodbye to my little niece on one of my last days in Sichuan, she walked off with her grandfather, swinging her red bag full of goodies. But as she went, she kept turning around to see if I was still there. I watched and waved until they were gone. She must have turned around at least four times.

In China, the children of first cousins are also considered nieces and nephews. The little girl in the pink dress is my first one, the eldest of her generation on my mother's side of the family. For four days, I got to see her in all her colors, and when she left, there was peace in the house and a hole in my heart.

Children who've been abandoned by one or both of their parents grow up dysfunctional if not socially maladjusted, and my niece is showing all the warning signs. She likes stickers and markers, but even more, she likes money and whoever can give it to her. Her temper is so bad that she throws almost a tantrum a day. These tour de force bouts of rage can last for hours. Shoes go flying, doors slam, furniture gets shoved around. Once, she smashed a window. Her teachers make no secret of their dislike.

But in her good moments, my little niece can be a sweetheart. She holds my hand when I'm climbing stairs. She offers people a piece of her pear. She only has to be taught once to say thank you and then she's saying thank you to everyone during the rest of dinner. At night, she asks to sleep next to me and brings me a teddy bear. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and her little body is sprawled horizontal, thin limbs poking into me. I rotate her so I have some room. She doesn't resist much and goes on sleeping. How can her mother bear the separation, I wonder.

I asked Jesus to give me love for my niece a month before I was to see her because I knew that I didn't have it in myself. We are selfish and depraved, the young and the old. So it was a matter of grace what I began to feel for her, that I could empathize with her in the bad moments (because I used to be a lot like her), and see all her God-given potential in the good ones. And when we were on the floor, she screaming, I holding her arms down, it was in the name of Jesus that I prayed, in English because that was what came out first and then in Chinese so she could understand. The odds are against my little niece, like they are against so many of the people in this world, but I have hope. Because it was Christ who said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."